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The fairly tales are real. The monsters of legend and lore exist. And you are the only ones aware of the danger.

Inspired by the movies The Brothers Grimm and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, and the TV show Grimm, I wrote up a secret society dedicated to ferreting out and destroying the creatures of myth. Want to become one of the "Hansels and Gretels"? Click here.

Don't be silly. Thanks to the Harry Potter novels and other works of modern dark fantasy, we know that witches, hags, goblins, wraiths and assorted other fairy tale monsters are actually decent peeps, the hapless victims of unreasonable human prejudice and persecution. Our modern tolerant, diversified culture knows better and is eager to welcome these poor victimized beings as equal participants in society.

What? You say child disappearances have gone through the roof? The website for the Equal Venue for Ill-treated Legends (EVIL) says there is absolutely no connection with bogeymen coming out of the (ahem) closet. Must be a plot by right-wing religious zealots.